Opposite Universe

Why is it that little kids seem to interpret everything you try to tell them just the opposite of what you really said?

"Anthony, be quiet while you are getting ready for bed, Paxton is already sleeping."

"Okay. KENRICK MOM SAID TO BE QUIET! DON'T HIT ME WITH YOUR SHOE!"

Oh good grief.

And time has no meaning.

"Okay guys, we need to eat quickly and get ready to go or you'll be late for school. Kenrick, why are you staring into space? Get your shoes on! Anthony, you were supposed to have your backpack ready half an hour ago! Kenrick, put food in your mouth!

The later we are the slower they move.

The more often you tell them, the less they hear.

Right is left. "Look out" means "Turn around and walk backwards just to make sure you run into the telephone pole."

Today we were at the art fair, which with little kids is a recipe for disaster. I've got to give the boys credit because they did really well, but I could tell they were struggling. "This stuff is fragile guys, don't touch," which in the opposite universe of five and seven year olds must have sounded like: "Touch the vase. Go ahead, pick it up. Or feel the painting, it probably feels scratchy..."